As much as you don’t want to believe it, high school is definitely one of the most crucial parts of your life because you undeniably transform into who you truly are as a person.

Until I really sat down and thought about it just a little while ago, I didn’t believe this cliché, just as many of you probably don’t right now. However, when I explain my particular transformation, I’m pretty sure I’ll change your mind.

Freshman year is supposed to be incredibly fun. Most people typically slack off a bit because they know those grades don’t really matter. I admit, though, that when I was a freshman my concept of fun was limited. I focused too much on getting good grades and didn’t really find a balance between fun and school. That’s about the time when Tumblr became a thing that people did, so I joined it as well.

The environment on there was so different from anything I had experienced. Since I didn’t really know where I belonged in the community, I guess I sort of just hit “follow” on the side of any blog that seemed visually appealing to me. After weeks of reading about how much most of these people liked the same bands, I decided to give the groups a listen. What I found was, at first, kind of scary.

Most people I followed were definitely going through the “teenage angst” period in their lives. They listened to post-hardcore music and blogged as though their lives were a song sung by a band they loved. This, for someone who didn’t really know who she was, seemed appealing. I thought that, after listening to the same music as they did, I’d be able to fit into their end of Tumblr, and really, I did.

The music I listened to then, this post-hardcore sound that you can really get used to and isn’t as bad as most people think it is, vastly affected me in my life. I was still very much the same person I was before I started listening to that music, but I also started going through an angst-y phase. Everything pretty much seemed like it was the end of the world, and I soon became a high-strung person who didn’t really know who she was. Though joining this particular Tumblr community was supposed to make me feel a sense of belonging, a sense of knowing who I was, it really only confused me more.

Looking back, I can’t say that I liked the post-hardcore music as much as I wanted to. I’m generally a sympathetic person, and listening to that music made me realize that I am sympathetic to the point where it can be detrimental to me. People and music can both easily change my mood, and the environment I was exposed to with that music definitely was affecting me negatively, as I always seemed to be upset. When I realized this, I was a sophomore.

Sophomore year brought along with it an obsession with One Direction—but, really, what girl wasn’t obsessed with them? Their music was all bubblegum pop that year when they were first starting out, and I started noting how their music and their cheerful personalities made me happy in a way that I hadn’t been in a long time. Not only did I meet some of my best friends thanks to them, but they gave me the chance to explore music that truly made me feel good about myself and my life.

Even now, as a senior, I’m still on this musical journey. I’m currently enjoying indie-rock music, but I can honestly say that I have no idea if I’ll still love this music four years from now. All I know is that I’m happy, and that the music I listen to is so much a part of who I am that I can’t imagine where I’d be without it.

Phoenix, Arctic Monkeys, Drowners, The 1975, The Vaccines, Tame Impala—they, along with many others that I can’t even begin to name, provide the perfect sound track to my life at this point.

I couldn’t be more excited for what’s to come.