I’m quite sure that we all have  unfairly compared ourselves to people who are somewhat “higher” than we are or we have shamed ourselves for not looking like somebody else. The truth is there is, no need to bring yourself down about not having another person’s “greatness”. We are all unique in some way and need to get rid of that “ she has what I want” attitude.

Having this type of attitude can lead to low-self esteem and many other bad results that follow it. According to Dosomething.org, an organization wanting to improve the well-being of teenagers, “75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.” Self-esteem according to Good Choices Good Life, a self-help website, “ is simply how you feel about yourself and how you judge your worth.”  So the question is, how do you raise this so-called self-esteem and build confidence?

First, you must know that confidence and self-esteem are two completely different ideas. In the words of Skills You Need, a self-help website, “confidence is the term we use to describe how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, the way we look, the way we think – whether or not we feel worthy or valued.” These two concepts can’t be taught to a person; they simply represent how people think and feel about themselves. However, you must understand that this process won’t happen overnight. It takes time for people to be fully confident in who they are.

Next you must get rid of all negative thoughts. The first step in preventing this from happening is to eliminate negative, internal self-criticism. One or multiple situations may have happened, causing you to feel bad about yourself, but that doesn’t mean that’s who you are. Evelyn Lim of “7 Steps to Positive Self Talk” states, “ If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self-esteem.” Negativity breeds negativity. The more negative thoughts you have, the more negative you feel. Stop beating yourself up.

Another key component is to understand that you are not perfect. Nobody is made to be perfect. Striving to be perfect isn’t self-improvement or trying to be our best; it’s simply another way to make ourselves feel stressed and unhappy. The reason we strive to be “Perfect” is that society places people in front of us who are highly praised and greatly accepted because of their looks and amazing figures. This is what causes women to change their outer appearance at all cost to be accepted, be praised, and feel happy. According to Psych Central, a psychology website, “currently, 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders.” Many women strive so hard to be the magazine-cover women and show off, not realizing that they are beautiful the way they are. They fail to realize this because, all their lives,they’ve seen the “perfect image” they wanted to be from a Barbie doll to the sexiest woman in the world. Stop trying to be that “perfect”person because there is no such thing as perfect. Appreciate what your body has and what it can do. Everybody has different talents and appearances. Appreciate the fact that you don’t look like somebody else because your beauty is unique. You might not have the one thing you want, but you may have what somebody else  loves.

Another great step is to handle stress in a positive light. It’s impossible, if you’re a hardworking person, to avoid an excessive amount of work, but the way you handle your stress is what matters and what prevents your self esteem from getting worse. The sad fact is, if you’re already dealing with low self-esteem and lack of confidence, the amount of stress you experience can bring take self-esteem lower. According to Helathyself-esteem.com, “The way you handle your stress determines your self-esteem health. If you handle stress poorly, it can really damage your self esteem. Stress is known to affect your health. Anything that affects your health affects your self-esteem.” Many ways that stress can be reduced is through meditation. You don’t necessarily have to sit criss cross applesauce with your hands on your knees and say “Ohm” repeatedly. This is simply another way of saying take time to think to yourself and positively reflect on your life. Having that quiet space will most likely put your mind at ease. Psychologist Robbie Maller states, “Research suggests that daily meditation may alter the brain’s neural pathways, making you more resilient to stress.”