“ Hey there, sexy.”

“Man, I swear she is the sexiest person you will ever see.”

“You lookin’ real sexy tonight.”

“Dang, she looks sexy in that dress.”  

All these phrases have one word in common: That’s right; the glorious word is “sexy.” Yes, they each share that four-letter word, but what they all really have in common is the fact that they drive me insane! Those phrases are literally the worst, most disrespectful, foul utterances that a man can ever say to or about  a woman. Those phrases are not compliments – -they are simply provocative comments that represent sex appeal, sexual attention, and sex drive.

Before I continue, let me  take a moment to look at the etymology of this word. The word “sexy” has three meanings, all of which connect with each other. “Sex·y/ˈseksē/ concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué(1). Sexually interesting or exciting; radiating Sexuality(2) Excitingly appealing; glamorous(3).” All three definitions refer to one thing…sex appeal!

The definition of “sexy” clearly shows that there is a fine line between sexy and beautiful, or even cute or gorgeous.

As degrading as I’ve tried to make this word sound, some women’s primary goal is to look sexy and attract sexual attention. They show an excessive amount of skin and wear skin-tight, extreme body-revealing outfits that barely allow them to breathe just to be the attraction  of the hour. They might not directly say, “I want you,” but their clothes say it for them, which can create attention that may possibly exceed the attention they wanted.

On the other hand, other women’s primary goal is to look stunning in a way that doesn’t attract sexual attention. However, some may ask – what’s the difference between these two women? A woman whose intent is to look  stunning is working to present herself as one who wants  an “extremely impressive and attractive look.”  Being stunning goes beyond physical looks and is based on looking attractive, not sexy.  

Every woman’s goal should be to walk out of the house looking like the queen she was made to be. Letting a man call you sexy is you taking off your crown for somebody who obviously doesn’t value your true worth. Exposing too much leaves no imagination for the man who finds you attractive and makes you look like an easy, “yes” girl.

From my perspective as a young woman,  I find that it is in large part (okay – large part, but not entirely?)  our fault as women that this issue arises because letting guys call us names that belittle who we are empowers them, not us. As women, we have to explain ourselves a million times a day so, when a man calls us sexy, it’s just sometimes easier to accept it and smile or giggle  or whatever you choose to do instead of once again having to explain our reasoning for taking offense at his words.

honestly letting this slide can lead to more belittling “compliments”. I’m not saying pop off on the next dude that calls you sexy, but I am saying demand the respect you want and keep it moving. A simple “ don’t call me that” while you are walking away with a slight attitude will do.

However, guys do also need to find better compliments if they want to try to win their way into a woman’s heart. Point out the small things that people don’t usually notice; talk about how a specific color compliments her skin perfectly instead of calling her sexy. So next time you see me and I look good, please don’t call me “sexy”.