Nearly half of America’s children live in single-parent households, yet their situations still receive some of the most drastic assumptions.
One can only wonder why people have so many negative opinions about this challenging, yet impactful experience. According to the article “Child Well-Being in Single-Parent Families” from the Annie E. Casey Foundation, “In the United States today, more than 23 million children live in a single-parent family.” They also report that “a number of long-term demographic trends have fueled this increase, including: marrying later, declining marriage rates, increasing divorce rates and an uptick in babies born to single mothers.” These numbers reveal that single-parent households are quite common in the U.S. which means that most people either come from one or know someone in one, which makes one wonder why negative stereotypes are so abundant.
When a child who lives in a single-parent household informs others of this, there is often concern about how they will be seen, and whether those people will judge them based solely on this fact. However, this judgment is unnecessary because people who grow up in single-parent households are no different than those who grow up with two parents, except that their circumstances are different.
As a child who has grown up in a single-parent household, I can attest to the fact that there are certainly challenges such as what the family can and can’t afford, custody agreements, and other aspects of raising children. However, the challenges are simply a small part of the story.
According to Cynthia Dalton’s article “Blessings and Challenges of Being a Single Parent” children in a household with one parent can grow in a space where the children are the main focus of the parent in the household. Dalton also mentions that children who grow up in single-parent homes also learn to be very responsible. Part of this responsibility comes from the fact that children of single-parent families usually have shared responsibility for the well-being of the family. Instead of “busywork” chores for allowance, the children’s contributions tend to help the family run as a unit. This instills in children a sense of pride in accomplishment, consideration for others, and a solid work ethic.
Another positive aspect of single parenting is the fact that single parents often have a “network” of help from family, friends, church, or activities. There are numerous communities, both online
and actual meeting places, which cater to single-parent families. These provide the children with an experience with a strong sense of community. Often the organizations will sponsor “open” activities, where parents and children can mingle and make new friends. Growing up, I remember my mom’s network being large and I remember seeing a lot of involvement from my church and my neighborhood. Because of that, I became more open to people and more social.
Children from single-parent homes also have opportunities to learn and manage disappointment and conflict. In the article “Pros and Cons in Single-Parent Families” from Universal Class, an online education source, they note that children in these situations get this from watching their parents successfully negotiate and collaborate to make co-parenting work. With kind, loving support and encouragement from the single parent, resolving disappointments and conflicts is a valuable experience that helps children learn and grow into confident, competent adults. Learning to balance priorities, such as their own needs, versus the needs of the family, also gives children “real life” experience that will prove valuable to them, particularly when they strike out on their own.
Children who grow up this way simply have to mature quickly because of how their families operate. When parents aren’t together because a parent passes away or families separate into different households, siblings feel a sense of responsibility that children in traditional two-parent households will never have to experience.
Of course, I wouldn’t recommend cheering on the downfall of marriages or relationships, but the negative connotation connected to being the child of a single-parent household is ridiculous. There are senseless assumptions about how these children feel or operate due to their situation. That being said, I know that it isn’t wonderful to be in a household of one parent. However, it’s okay to find the “best in a tough situation”, especially if that situation is one as difficult to solve as a single-parent household.
