“I Don’t Hate Gay People But….”

“I Don’t Hate Gay People But....”

Donald McElveen, Staff Writer

Over the years I’ve heard a lot of interesting things from straight people about gay people. From crude jokes to admiration and everything in between. It’s safe to say that as a member of the LGBTQ+ community I’ve pretty much seen all ends of the spectrum.
However, there’s one particular phrase that I hear time and time again: “I don’t hate gay people but….” The end of the sentence varies, but the two most common endings I’ve heard are “…I can’t be around the ones that do too much” or “if they flirt with me I’ll pop off on them.” The interesting thing is, even with the preface that they aren’t homophobic, what follows is usually homophobic, whether they mean it or not.
The main issue with all of this isn’t just the fact that these people are, in fact, being homophobic, but they’re using the guise of being an ally to justify their prejudice. They aren’t allies – and in some ways – they’re worse than blatant homophobes because they don’t even realize they’re being homophobic. Even if a gay guy hits on you, how is that any different than you taking your chances with a pretty girl you see across the room? And why is a gay man living his authentic self too much for you?
The truth is, we live in a society where historically women have been constantly belittled and seen as inferior to men. In the same vein, men are supposed to be the strong and stoic, to show no weakness or emotion. Gay men, or at least the archetypal gay man, flip all of that on its head. At some level, these “I’m not a homophobe” people don’t like the idea of a man belittling his “manhood” to act like a woman. It makes them uncomfortable in a way they can’t quite express, because expressing why would be an admission that our social structure – the structure that they continue to perpetuate – is built off discrimination and inequality.
In all honesty, I don’t expect a lot of the people to think about the why of what they say. In parts of the world, homosexuality is still punishable by death. Saying “I don’t have a problem with gay people unless they hit on me” might not seem that big of a deal. But it’s important, both for those who consider themselves tolerant and those who consider themselves dedicated allies, to look into your opinions and why you really feel that way.
This is applicable to more than just gay people. No matter what your opinion on anything is in life, you should take the time to look at why you believe what you believe and if it’s something that ultimately does more harm than good.